I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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