It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
