we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
pray to the hookup gods
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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