she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
