I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
