How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
