Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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