oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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