Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
be right there i have to get my cape
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
