haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
