yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
