Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
