How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
