Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
