you traded sex for a burrito?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
