Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
