Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
