I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
