you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
