Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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