get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
