i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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