At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
