I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
now i know why i became what i already was.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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