in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
