Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
