Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
