Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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