I heard we made out
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
