my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
where does the pee come out of this thing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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