At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Damn victory sex feels great
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
