you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Randomize
