brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
