i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
