guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
