Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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