I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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