We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
