I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
