Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize