Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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