Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
