I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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