brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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