Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
