My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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