guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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