I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I enjoy the company of your penis
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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