I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Found the puke drawer
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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