is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
