Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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