Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
