He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
