Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
