she was so not down for the gang bang
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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