I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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