I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
