Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
