Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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