Well apparently he's into motor boating.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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