Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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