At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
