An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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