she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
