sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize