Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
