spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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