It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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