Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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