Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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