I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
