talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
