It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
