Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
