Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
