i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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