We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
