I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
