I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
