Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
