I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
