do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
