so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
