She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
