ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the condom got lost in my hair
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so let's talk penis.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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