This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
