before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
