At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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