well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
