My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
