i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
