From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
