trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
