is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
