I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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