Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
