Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
