Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
