maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
