whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize