When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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