I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
