i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
