I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
