I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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