She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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