It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
