Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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