If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
