How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All I want is dick and wine.
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