so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
