There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My vagina is officially offended.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
