She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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