but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
