I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So vagazzling was a success
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
